(no subject)

So i called my dad yesterday, and asked hi what he was oing. he said he was digging a hole. i of course asked why - for jim. jim is our 18 year old cat, with diabetes.. apparently he hadn't eaten anyting or had much to drink for the past four days, and my dad is taking him (already did?) to the vet this morning, to have him put to sleep, because he's just not happy. rather, he's hurting, and there's nothing we can do about it. i of course find out about all of this yesterday.. and all i know is that my first kitty is dying today. I know it needs to happen. I know he's had the best life a kitty could have - nyone else probably wouldn't have given him insulin shots twice daily, and given him special food.. i know all this, but it really doesn't make it much better. i have wonderful memories.. he was a huge cat, used to chase me around the house when i was in elementary school. i'd lock myself in a bathroom and call my father to come home and save me. yes, from the cat. :) he always wanted to sniff your nose when he saw you. and he let my hamster run around on his side.. he wasn't even interested in eating her. he didn't know he was a cat, i don't think. I just really wish i could have seen him, and said goodbye. you know? i guess that's the usual regret. And it's another to mark off to grad school - i tried to go home over easter weekend, and couldn't, due to a number of things.. had i been able to, i would have seen him more recently than spring break. oh well.

i miss my kitties, especially now.

on the plus side, i went to the library yesterday and got some books.. one of them bein a julia cameron book (the artists way was out, i wanted to see what it was all about) but idid get one called vein of gold, and it has said some things that make a whole lot of sense. things i might not have believed in so readily if they hadn't have happened in the past week. here are some neat quotes -

Work and play are the same. When you're following you energy and doing what you want all the time, the distinction between work and play dissolves. -- Shakti Gawain

That's kind of how i feel at this point - i mean, yes, work is work, because i am required to be there atcertain times, and there are some jobs that i just don't want to do but I have to, but it's really not so bad - it's fun, and like play. :)