(no subject)

so i gave in last night and let the kitties in the room to sleep with me. i just couldn't take it anymore. but it was good, because when I got up, i locked them out of the room. And that's the real problem, anyway - them being in there when i am not.

so, no one that i am supposed to behaving dinner with has gotten back to me. which really irks me. (at least, in the case of the people I was supposed to have dinner with tonight! :) ) But that's cool - I will stay in my house, and work on things, and maybe go whereever sami is spinning tonight, and hang out with people. me, and packing. :) I need to call miss alice, as she has my dvds, and she was someone i was supposed to do something with that *I* was supposed to call.

need to go out and mail things. and get fringe for my scarf, and whatever else i need to finish my skirt, if anything.. tee hee. :) i am having fun making goth-y things for myself. yay.

so i sit here, wondering if my mom is dead..

want some background?

my little sister calls me on my cellphone while i am at school. mom has gone berserk, she says. she's kicked her out. no, she doesn't know what she did. no, she doesn't know why. mom just said that "she had hurt her".. hmm.. so could i call her and try and talk to her, pleasE? sure, i say. she gives me the number where she's at. (was sending her a calling card good planning or what? and has she even gotten it?)

i call mom. no answer. i call dad's line. no answer. i leave a message on the family answering machine - hey, mom, call me, i am at school, this is the number, here's my cell number, you have my home number - it's an emergency! (mom's the type that never keeps track of numbers very well, so it's better just to give them to her again when you call. saves time.) i call again. mom, please pick up the phone. mom, nicole said you kicked her out. mom i need to talk to you, please answer.

now, she's also the type of person that turns off her phone ringers, and the volume on the answering machine. if she's kicked out nicole, that means that it's been a stressful day, and when that happens, she often takes a valium and knocks herself out and sleeps for a while. so she could be fine.

but. one of the last times i talked to her, she talked about killing herself. (should ihave called someone?) she said that if nicole had not have been there to find her, she might. she couldn't o that to her, she said. she knows i didn't want her to kill herself, we've talked about it before. ilaughed, and asked just to not kill herself on or near a major holiday, if that was ok.

like i thought that would matter? like i didn;t think i would think about her, and the fact that she was gone every minute? i;ve called since then - no answer.

so i think - if her life has gotten worse, what if she *has* killed herself, or is dying *right now*? i don't have her address - they have po boxes down there. i call the only person i know down there - kat. I ask her to go over there - well, actually, i start sobbing (which is coming on again) and she says she is on her way over there. i get the street name from her. can i call an ambulance with a street name? sure. i know what the house looks like., it's white. and she has a green van. they should be able to find her with that, right?

so i thought - maybe lj will take my mind off it.

my mom just called - all is as well as it ever is there.

(no subject)

hmm.. turns out, my mom's not the berserk one.

nicole's been being a bitch, spending all her time at this one person's house, and was walking out the door to spend a week there, and my mom yelled at her - didn't throw her stuff on the lawn, nothing.

so now i can't get in touch with nicole, but my mom is alive and healthy. yay.

all is well.

you are now returned to your regularly scheduled viewing - todays episode of kristy's family soap opera has been brought to you by teen angst..

(no subject)

been playing on the computer an *awful* lot lately. spicada would tell me it's avoidance - I think she's right. :)

I found out I have 116 cds. too many to fit in my 104 cd case. and here i thought i was going to have room to grow! :)

been wandering around on lj, amazed at how many people have them that i see on my listservs, and joining listservs, and occasionally packing - which i am about to go back to.

i need to wash clothes. i just don't think i can hold out any longer - all the clothes that i like to wear are dirty. (am i spoiled, or what?)

and I keep wandering, meaning to do things, and not doing them.. like the fact that I *think* i reserved a ryder truck for next week, but i can't find a confirmation email, so maybe I didn't?

and that i seem to have some sort of rash around my eyes.. maybe exscema? it hurts, but i can't figure out why - i must have gotten into some dust or something that i had a bad reaction to while packing.. yay, another illness. (laugh)ohwell.

i d/l'ed lots of dar williams and ani from aimster today. it rocked, because it actually worked for a few hours, and then it messed up, like it's prone to do.

don't think i am going out tonight, though.

(no subject)

This is the star i got from jo-anns today. I got four of them. it's really purple with pink (my camera does awful things to color!) i am thinking of spraypainting them or a couple of them maybe black or silver.

i feel icky - hot and havea headache - i think i may go to bed soon. i got a decent amount accomplished, though.

(and yes, that *is* my extremely messy living room in the background. :) )