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Jan. 28th, 2001 01:39 amSo here i sit in tech.
I hurt my throat is growing scratchy from the cigarette smoke i am tired.
I felt rejuvenated after dinner at least briefly. I was having fun, but then bobbi the designer got bitchy AGAIN, and igot really tired.
And i fell down the stairs, which i am used to, but no one else was. I almost wish i had sprained my ankle or something, because then maybe they wouldn't have me running all over creation and being bitchy - i don't mind pulling - it's fun.
And today was nice, as it was another reminder of why I love theatre - which i have honestly not had too many of lately. At least i know josh is having fun in atlanta. I really wish that we were together and didn't have to deal with all this other ppl crap. I just feel like i could be totally content with him currently.
Speaking of other ppl, dinner with bradley was fun. He got to come to the theatre and see where i worked not that i think he could actually get back into the shop. I am going to make him a dress - patrick said he would help me, and Valeda really wants to do his hair - maybe one or both of them will help me with make-up for him, too. Of course we'll have to see how bradley feels about all of this. I am excited. Because it means I can make something.
So I wonder if Dana has found herself another boy or not. I doubt it - Josh is not easily replace-able, as I totally know.
That's another really good thing about the whole open relationship. I know that I couldn't replace him. I honestly think that if something happened between us, I might turn exclusively to women for a while. Of course, that is assuming that anyone would have me. Sigh.
Of course, the bad thing about the open relationship is that i get depressed, and then obsess. Of course, Josh is more than wonderful about it - he spends an inordinate amount of time with me reassuring me. And it seems like if it comes down to it, even if i don't have a good reason for it, he won't spend the night with her, or whatever. At least that is the way it seems - i didn't force the issue tonight - i felt that it didn't seem fair since he hasn't seen her for a month - and it wouldn't have been fair to her - Josh is so wonderful' do i really have the right not to share him?
Something within me shies away from this topic, as if I am not exacty sure how I feel about it or how other ppl would respond to that. Or not. I know what I think would be ideal and this is not it. I used to think i knew who the girl i wanted was, and now I know that I don't know who she is anymore. I do know that she doesn't want me' and i guess that is what really matters - if i am not wanted, it is pretty irrelevant whether she wants me or not.
My other sweetheart, miss robyn, has a husband, which really prevents anything from happening between us. I totally understand that.
Well, tech is almost up-then a productio mtg.
all went well. now i want someone to cuddle with, but no one is here bu the cats. chat at you later - it's time for bed.
I hurt my throat is growing scratchy from the cigarette smoke i am tired.
I felt rejuvenated after dinner at least briefly. I was having fun, but then bobbi the designer got bitchy AGAIN, and igot really tired.
And i fell down the stairs, which i am used to, but no one else was. I almost wish i had sprained my ankle or something, because then maybe they wouldn't have me running all over creation and being bitchy - i don't mind pulling - it's fun.
And today was nice, as it was another reminder of why I love theatre - which i have honestly not had too many of lately. At least i know josh is having fun in atlanta. I really wish that we were together and didn't have to deal with all this other ppl crap. I just feel like i could be totally content with him currently.
Speaking of other ppl, dinner with bradley was fun. He got to come to the theatre and see where i worked not that i think he could actually get back into the shop. I am going to make him a dress - patrick said he would help me, and Valeda really wants to do his hair - maybe one or both of them will help me with make-up for him, too. Of course we'll have to see how bradley feels about all of this. I am excited. Because it means I can make something.
So I wonder if Dana has found herself another boy or not. I doubt it - Josh is not easily replace-able, as I totally know.
That's another really good thing about the whole open relationship. I know that I couldn't replace him. I honestly think that if something happened between us, I might turn exclusively to women for a while. Of course, that is assuming that anyone would have me. Sigh.
Of course, the bad thing about the open relationship is that i get depressed, and then obsess. Of course, Josh is more than wonderful about it - he spends an inordinate amount of time with me reassuring me. And it seems like if it comes down to it, even if i don't have a good reason for it, he won't spend the night with her, or whatever. At least that is the way it seems - i didn't force the issue tonight - i felt that it didn't seem fair since he hasn't seen her for a month - and it wouldn't have been fair to her - Josh is so wonderful' do i really have the right not to share him?
Something within me shies away from this topic, as if I am not exacty sure how I feel about it or how other ppl would respond to that. Or not. I know what I think would be ideal and this is not it. I used to think i knew who the girl i wanted was, and now I know that I don't know who she is anymore. I do know that she doesn't want me' and i guess that is what really matters - if i am not wanted, it is pretty irrelevant whether she wants me or not.
My other sweetheart, miss robyn, has a husband, which really prevents anything from happening between us. I totally understand that.
Well, tech is almost up-then a productio mtg.
all went well. now i want someone to cuddle with, but no one is here bu the cats. chat at you later - it's time for bed.
