(no subject)
Apr. 26th, 2002 05:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
needlegrrlso, i've spent my afternoon crying.
why? who knows. no, wait, i do. ha.
firstly, it's that time of the month. yeah - the time when I go off cirth control pills for 6 days, and like clockwork, get depressed on the weekend I'm off of them. Unfortunately - I forgot. AGAIN. And thus, it hit me harder than usual.
as to the rest? school shit. I don't want to be here. I think I'ma failure - I'm not good enough. I do everything that I am supposed, I do more than I am supposed to, I'm together, I turn in *EVERYTHING* on time. i do everything right, goddammit. and for what? not to be good enough. FUCK THEM.
so I've been crying - every time I got myself semi under control, someone else would come and talk to me, and I'd start crying again. huzzah. I finally just gave up on lighting, since I haven't really gotten anything done on it today anyway - so much for being productive, and decided to come home. now i just have to hope that josh hurries home, i should call.
i'll be better soon. really.
or i just won't care anymore.
i know, scott, i;m making the decision to be depressed. I'm just not there, yet - I can be fucking sunshine and light all the time.
and i'm ashamed - especially so that I broke in front of others. how fucked up is that? I've been so together this semester asnd last - even when I wasn't together, i was still more together than most of them - and now, i fuck up. well, everyone has limits.
why? who knows. no, wait, i do. ha.
firstly, it's that time of the month. yeah - the time when I go off cirth control pills for 6 days, and like clockwork, get depressed on the weekend I'm off of them. Unfortunately - I forgot. AGAIN. And thus, it hit me harder than usual.
as to the rest? school shit. I don't want to be here. I think I'ma failure - I'm not good enough. I do everything that I am supposed, I do more than I am supposed to, I'm together, I turn in *EVERYTHING* on time. i do everything right, goddammit. and for what? not to be good enough. FUCK THEM.
so I've been crying - every time I got myself semi under control, someone else would come and talk to me, and I'd start crying again. huzzah. I finally just gave up on lighting, since I haven't really gotten anything done on it today anyway - so much for being productive, and decided to come home. now i just have to hope that josh hurries home, i should call.
i'll be better soon. really.
or i just won't care anymore.
i know, scott, i;m making the decision to be depressed. I'm just not there, yet - I can be fucking sunshine and light all the time.
and i'm ashamed - especially so that I broke in front of others. how fucked up is that? I've been so together this semester asnd last - even when I wasn't together, i was still more together than most of them - and now, i fuck up. well, everyone has limits.
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Re:
Date: 2002-04-26 06:15 pm (UTC)I'm not even very good at being Asian. ;)